so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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