You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
