jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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