ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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