How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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