she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
