is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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