Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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