he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
