No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
