So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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