I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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