I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
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