i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
