if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
