I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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