he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
