The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
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