I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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