whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
