i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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