She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
