In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
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