no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
