I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Who died my cat blue again?
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
