I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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