Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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