I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
