she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize