wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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