Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
