Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
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