Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
