plz talk dirty to me
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize