took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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