so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
