That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
