I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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