I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
either way he was missing a nipple.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Randomize
