Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize