You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize