census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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