She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize