I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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