You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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