well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
It all started with a game of naked twister.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize