friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
