dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
