I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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