I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
