I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
