Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
