I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Randomize
