she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize