I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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