lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
