so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
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