Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
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