im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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