Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize