Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize