I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Good. I made people cry and run home
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