i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
