He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
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