Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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