why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
