I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
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