I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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