I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Someone shit on the floor
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Randomize